When my husband and I moved into our home in southwest Minneapolis, one corner of our basement became home to a collection of about ten boxes for over a year. I can’t even tell you why. I guess our motivation just dwindled throughout the long process of unpacking. Each time I walked down the stairs to do some laundry or to feed my cats, I’d see all those boxes and just think, Ugh. We really need to take care of that stuff.
Finally on a rainy day in September, a year and a half after we moved in, we decided to get the task done. Two-thirds of that stuff wound up being either donated or thrown out. We certainly didn’t need it now if we hadn’t needed it in the past 18 months. That corner is clean and clear now. When I go downstairs, I notice and appreciate the light that pours in the window. Physically that space is clear – but also clear now is the space in my head that was continually occupied by that unresolved pile of boxes.
It is an interesting and difficult issue to address, this intense emotional connection we sometimes have with the things we own, including our “intangible” possessions — our health, our beliefs about ourselves and others, our old grudges and unresolved pain. All these things take up space. Sometimes they take up so much space that there’s isn’t much room for anything else. We wish for simplicity — but letting go can be difficult and sometimes even painful for a number of reasons, even when hanging on is to our emotional detriment.
The way our brain processes input helps us understand this issue. “The path of reason” is one neurological path. It’s the part of our brain that sees just wood and fabric when we look at a chair, for example. The other neurological path is the one that is linked profoundly to emotion and memory. Through this path, when we again look at that chair, it recalls all things – pleasant and unpleasant – related to the chair. So something as simple and unemotional as a chair could actually, for it’s owner, be profoundly symbolic of experiences such as guilt, grief, a failed relationship, or a feeling of being constantly overwhelmed. As you can imagine, living peacefully in a house with these triggers can be extremely hard.
My friend Heidi DeCoux is a professional organizer specializing in home organization. She explains the cycle of physical and emotional chaos like this:
Clutter, everyone says, is the problem. Actually, …the lack of space is the real problem. When there is no space, there is no possibility to grow and no room for anything new. Instead of forward, positive growth, we experience more crowding and filling.
Recently, I had the chance to listen to a wonderful interview with coach and author of the book “Throw out Fifty Things, ” Gail Blanke. She made the point that removing clutter is not so that you can live in an immaculate environment (in fact, the need for perfection can be it’s own type of emotional clutter). It is so that we can make room for new possibilities and clear a path for productive, forward movement. Heidi’s work encompasses this philosophy: “Organizing is about seeing the transformation of people and not so much about organizing things.”
Blanke often refers to the “Rules of Disengagement” which is a kind of litmus test for letting go of the things that hinder us:
* If the thing, the idea, the feeling, the person weighs you down, consistently hurts you, holds you back — let it go.
* If the thing, the idea, the feeling, the person just sits there, takes up space and contributes nothing — let it go.
* If you have to debate endlessly, forever weighing the pros and cons — Should I let it go? Should I keep it? — then let it go. As Heidi puts it, “Stuff you feel guilty about getting rid of creates an environment of guilt — who can grow in that?”
* Don’t make it so hard. The things that are meant to be in our lives will not cause us such constant confusion and pain.
This is the time of year when we start consuming and accumulating in earnest. It seems like the perfect time to stop and breathe and ask: What could I be letting go of? What in my physical or emotional environment is no longer helping me move forward in my life? What might there be room for in my life if I let go of these items, this broken relationship, this disappointment, this fear?
To fill in space is a human tendency. Therefore, the important question becomes, “What do I want to fill it with?
Heidi DeCoux is a professional organizer & creator of The Fast-Filing Method home office filing system. To get her FREE Kit: The Fast & Easy Way to Get Organized & Stay Organized, visit ClearSimpleLiving.com. Siri Myhrom is an educator & therapeutic writing facilitator. To get a free subscription to Siri’s e-Magazine, Winter Oak Weekly, visit winter-oak.com.
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